Gerald Lewis, Ph.D. & Associates - Publications: Articles

What To Say And How to Say It
Gerald Lewis, Ph.D.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
-- From: The Heart of a Leader, K. Blanchard

As was indicated in the first article in this series, Caring For Each Other At Times Of Tragedy And Transition, the American workplace and the workforce within is currently undergoing a unique type of stress that has not been experienced in recent history. More is being asked for if not demanded of workers in any profession. What is being noticed is that more (good) workers are beginning to falter under the pressure. Or, a well performing employee may experience a personal crisis in their life that impacts on their abilities to perform their duties. Anecdotal information indicates that about once every 7 years, an event or an accumulation of events will hit the average worker in a significant enough manner to affect their job performance. Estimates are that at any time, there may be as many as 5-15% of the workforce who are experiencing significant emotional reactions that interfere with their abilities to perform their duties. Deaths, divorces, illness, injuries, moves, financial problems, difficulties with children or other family members, aging parents, head the list of “normal” life events that can dramatically encumber one’s ability to cope.

As distressful as going through one of these events may be for the individual directly involved, these incidents also influence coworkers as they bear witness to the individual trying to maintain his/her duties and responsibilities in the workplace. Initially, there may be support and colleagues will “carry some of the load.” However, after a while this begins to take its toll on those caring colleagues as well. They may feel for the person, want to continue to help, but fight a growing sense of frustration or resentment as the load begins to weigh heavily for them. In addition, they may experience guilt around these feelings, because they know that the individual is suffering and is not a slacker and they feel that they cannot address this for fear of causing more hurt. They may notice that the affected individual is beginning to utilize inappropriate methods of managing the stress such as drinking or drug usage, anger, isolation, yet feel the need to protect the person. Sadly, this type of “protection” causes more harm than good for the individual as these “coping” strategies may further exacerbate their emotional condition. Often a wall of silence may evolve, where people lessen their contact with the impaired worker, causing a greater sense of isolation and suffering for him/her and more resentment for colleagues. With all of this, there is an ambivalent wish for “management to do something.”

As indicated in the first article, it is essential for the workplace to establish a sense of community whereby peoples’ joyful as well as sad events can be acknowledged in a respectful manner. Supervisors must be able (and receive training) to work with the affected individual as well as the total work group. The critical concept is to develop a relationship with each employee that is based on positive feedback, setting specific goals or objectives and a sense of teaming with the individual to achieve those goals.

With this in mind, supervisors should establish this type of relationship with each employee prior to any discussion of negative job performance issues. So often, workers only have contact with their supervisor in either a group format or when there is a problem. What is recommended is that the supervisor schedule to meet individually with each employee for (at least) a 15-minute “check in” (at least) once a month. Actually, more frequent meetings are recommended, but the once-a-month schedule is an attainable goal in most work situations. During this time, (positive) feedback is given. Goals and objectives are discussed. Personal and professional issues or concerns may be broached.

If there is a problem with job performance it may be addressed early on with a comment such as:

“Bob, I’ve noticed that you are coming in late a lot since we met last month. You’ve been one of our top sales reps and a role model for some of the others. I’ve got to ask you to tighten up and get back on track. Is there anything going on that I should know about that is making it tough for you to get in on time?”

If the supervisors already knows or the person acknowledges a family crisis, or personal situation, comments such as the following may be helpful:

“Bob, you told me that you were going through a tough divorce and except for being late on occasion, you’ve been handling it pretty well. I hate to add more stress/add more to your plate/make matters more difficult, but we have to work together to be sure that your personal crisis doesn’t interfere with your work. You’ve had an excellent record since you’ve worked here and we want to be sure that it remains in tact while you go through this tough time. What can I do to help?”

This approach has: 1) set a supportive tone; 2) set specific goals; 3) reinforced the past positive work record; 4) established a team effort to achieving the goal. This also allows the supervisor to add something like: “Thanks for filling in me on what’s been going on for you. I’m concerned so let’s check in a little more frequently, ok?”

Or, “Bob, one of the ways that I may be able to help is to remind you about the company’s EAP. Do you remember getting the brochure? EAPs are set up to help folks who are going through tough times.”

Or, “Bob, you told me that the reason that you are late is that you can’t fall asleep. Have you checked in with your doctor or the Occupational health department or the EAP?”

Please remember, being a supervisor/department head is one of the most difficult jobs. There is limited formal training; rather most of it is “OJT” (on the job training) which means getting the training, just after you needed it. As a supervisor/department head be sure to reach out to colleagues, HR, EAP for assistance with these personal/personnel issues.

“Leadership is not something you do to people. It’s something you do with people.”
-- From: Leadership and the One Minute Manager, Blanchard and Zigarmi